I’ve been meaning to write this blog for a while but never seem to find a good time to sit down to do it. About 3 weeks ago, I was having a bit of a rough night. I was really sore and uncomfortable from port (which is a device implanted under my skin that connects the port to a vein to allow for easy blood draws and ease of administering my medications without ruining the veins in my arms). Since I’m “skinny”, the skin over where the port was placed had to stretch to accommodate it and of course there were stitches and such. I was sitting there talking to God about how difficult and painful it was, and that this is just the beginning of this journey. I won’t lie, I felt a little sorry for myself. I decided to get on Facebook and one of the first posts I saw was from a dear friend. Here is her post:
This story can be found in the Bible in Daniel 3. I know this story well and have heard/read it countless times. This time was different and God used her words about HIS story to speak to me. THEN, the NEXT DAY, I received a package in the mail from another dear friend:
This little quote actually stems from Daniel 3:17-18 where the king had just threatened to throw the 3 guys in the furnace if they didn’t worship him and they replied, “If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.” WOW. They knew that God was ABLE to deliver them, but had no assurance that he would. Yet, they still chose to stand their ground, not knowing their future. Not only that, but when the King saw that God protected these men and he saw the angel in there with them, his heart was changed and he followed after God (not perfectly all the time) and he changed the way he lived/ruled. God used the obedience of these 3 men to change the King’s heart!!!
God has been so very gracious in making my largest tumor shrink to nothing before my second treatment even began and in allowing the side effects from the chemo to be minimal. I have praised him in this storm because I had a peace that he would protect me and heal me but what if doesn’t? I’m sure I have friends out there who have thought to themselves, yeah she’s praising her God now but what happens if he doesn’t heal her….THEN what will she say?
I will still boldly proclaim that He is still good! Why? Because despite what happens to me in this life, in this fallen and sin-filled world, He still sent His son to be TORTURED and die FOR ME. The wages of sin is death….eternal separation from God. There was nothing I could ever do to be able to spend eternity in God’s presence. So, God sent His Son, Jesus, to live among us and die one of the most horrible deaths in the history of mankind, to take my place (and yours) and allow me (and you) to stand before Him on judgement day with our sins washed away by Jesus’ blood. On the night of Jesus’ arrest, he prayed alone to God, asking if possible to let this cup pass from him. He was SWEATING BLOOD…something rare but that has been medically documented when a person is in SEVERE distress. Jesus knew he would be tortured horribly but more importantly, he knew his father would turn his back on him when the sins of the world were on his shoulder. He knew he would be separated in death for 3 days and the thought caused him physical anguish. Yet he CHOSE to die for us. He had to power to get off that cross, but he CHOSE to take our place.
This life is but a fleeting moment in the scope of eternity. Sure I’d love to live a long, healthy life, to watch my children grow up and to grow old with my husband but IN THE END, that’s not what is MOST important to me. If me going through this trial by fire, if you will, brings others closer in their relationship to God, or if just ONE person becomes a Christ-follower somehow because of what I am going through, if God is glorified, it is worth it!
So, as I start my third round of Chemo tomorrow, my prayer is that God would be glorified. I go into it, trusting that he will protect me and heal my body, but I know that if he does not, HE IS STILL GOOD.
This song has been on repeat in my head and I find myself singing it most days. I hope it blesses you.
The line where he sings, “and you call me deeper still” is in reference to Jesus calling his disciples out onto the water in the middle of a storm. Jesus was walking on the water and only one of his disciples dared to trust him, get out of the boat, and walk on water. He did but he became afraid and when he stopped looking at Jesus and TRUSTING him, the disciple started to sink. Jesus saved him. Jesus has saved me…and he will save you too.